Bewildered?

Writing this in hopes of connecting. My soul’s been on disconnect for much longer than expected. Simple tasks had become behemoth; brushing my teeth, a feat of massive proportions. And I spent another five weeks searching deeper into my head and heart during October and November behind the scenes, as it were. Scaling beneath the surface of angst looking for a place where I could be. Just be. Inside the walls of the psych unit.

Fortunately, I didn’t stay stuck, though it would have been easy enough to do. Thrashing, I tore through membrane and sinewy shards to be here. Honestly, from a different perspective, I can’t answer where else, if I’d had other options, I’d be.

The landscape sure looks brighter from where I stand. Shocked and in awe, I find my friendships intact. My marriage, for lack of a better term, is surviving its brush with death. The communication gods have bestowed upon us the proper way to educate ourselves out of the bleakness. Me, being raised by wolves and all. Sometimes I feel I couldn’t find my way past the grocery clerk in the checkout line with the skills I was handed.

Faith abounds. Love that sentence. It does. It has. It will. Not necessarily in that order. My kitty, best-friend-in-the-whole-wide-world, is dying. And, as Sam is a pseudonym and my cat’s name isn’t really Mango, I want to give Cookie Girl her recognition. The best, you are, my little love.

Instead of changing “religions” I inadvertently checked out a new church. Inadvertently, because I had not been paying attention apparently, as some members of my old congregation flocked to the one I now attend. They’re both UU. How cool is that? Only what struck me–what roped me and drew me in–was the BAND! Rock my soul.

Recently, I totalled the number of writing groups of which I am a part. Five. Twice weekly and three monthly. Sometimes it costs money to belong. One great group consists of three of us. One is brand new memoir writers. It’s all such fun; a focal point for me. Very nice social outlet. However, outside of the groups, I am not writing. This blog lay dormant for the better part of six months.  I’ve yet to sit and tap out a story about anything/nothing for me. For the hell of it.

So, I am going to do that. And, I am going to read a book of fantasy. Beginning Saturday, I will take walks. It’s snowing furiously at the moment and tomorrow I will have surgery to remove and replace a descended lens (inserteted to correct cataracts years ago) in my right eye.

Once back on track, and I can see myself clearly, I will at least stand a fighting chance. Because, as so many people who have been confronted with issues that seem insurmountable, I am a willing fighter. I like to think of myself sometimes as a close friend puts it: superhero. Plain. Simple. I am.